loving yourself, your whole self.
August 24, 2009, 5:32 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

after concluding an interesting conversation with a man (i may or may not be interested in), i found myself in a terrible mood. there is something to be said about self-esteem and there is even more to be said about vanity, but  i feel as though the most fragile state of the human condition is pride. and my pride, in particular, had been severely bruised. 

now, i rarely allow myself to be seen sweating and it is even less common to see me on the losing end of an “i look fierce today” tug of war. however, when you are vested in someone and their opinion of your appearance changes, it comes as a huge slap in the face. to clarify the situation, i cut my hair a few days ago and have been getting non stop compliments ever since. i was walking on cloud nine and awaiting the immediate approval of this man, and so when he was not as thrilled as i anticipated, i started to second guess my decision. i loved my look, but if the he didnt, then was it really the best move?

i find that myself and many of my fellow females are plagued with this issue, attracting the opposite sex (especially at a young age). i am by no means an expert of the topic but this is what i have learned in my travels…

a few years back this would have been a major blow and i would have probably lost a good amount of sleep over it. when i was younger, lankier, and had much thicker glasses, i had extremely low self esteem. but i have grown into my own skin quite nicely over the years and have developed an undying devotion to myself and what i represent. and what i represent is a pure, undiluted love and admiration for the black female form in all its variations and with all its imperfections. there is absolutely nothing that i would change about myself, especially for a man that does not have the courage to love and accept all of me. hair may seem like something trivial to gripe over, but the fact that it is even an issue should be enough to raise big red flags. it starts at the hair and then becomes, “when was the last time you went to the gym?” or “how do you feel about getting breast implants?” I am a size 2 and still  feel pressure to trim this down and tone that up. it is increasingly difficult to live up to the video vixens and supermodels. but at the end of the day, it takes a strong female to abandon the crash diets and girdles, and adopt the practice of loving the parts of your body that vogue would airbrush off. 

all in all, i have spent less time thinking about the specific statements this gentleman had the misfortune of making and have spent more time thinking about how they have come to effect me. and i am so proud to say that this has only added another feather to my hat, and a little more pep in my step. i am a beautiful, independent, and upwardly focused young black woman, and i carry myself as such. there is very little that slows me down and the opinions of others is at the bottom of the list. i am my own worst critic, so if i look in the mirror and like what i see, you had better believe that im giving myself two thumbs wayyyy up! 0000-4749-4~Josephine-Baker-Black-Thunder-Posters


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