the checklist

the checklist

September 28, 2009, 8:30 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

as previously stated, the (my) criterion for men these days has become increasingly rigorous, and will only continue to get more and more exclusive as time goes on.

for some reason, it appears as though most have forgotten my strict guidelines and a refresher course is in desperate need.

if you (as a male who may be reading this) finds this checklist idealistic or even damn near impossible, that is probably a good indicator as to why i am not returning your phone calls or facebook pokes.

and thus, in no particular order, we begin…

• firstly it is of the utmost importance that you have successfully surpassed the requirements outlined to graduate from four-year institution of higher learning and are on the direct path towards actively engaging yourself in your studies. however, if you meet this expectation, but still feel the need to wear your pants at your ankles and speak like a run away slave, then you have clearly failed.
• i am going off the assumption that every man was birthed from a woman. and also taking a long shot in assuming that every man honors this woman and knows the meaning of respect. with that being said, i do not believe that asking a young man to respect women (in all aspects of the word) is too daunting of a task. i am not your bitch, shawty, or hoe and neither is your mother, so do not regard any woman as such.
• ambition and determination are crucial. failures come to everyone, everyday; but if you cannot recognize God’s rejection as protection and feel the need to lock yourself in a room, wrapped in a blanket, crying, while watching the golden girls, because everything isn’t going as planned, then i cannot help you. if you cannot pull yourself up by your bootstraps and motivate yourself past adversity, then you have just discovered a weakness that nothing will cure.
• with that being said, it is ok to cry…in moderation.
• do not bombard me with floods of meaningless texts, im’s, and facebook chats. these short “waddups” generally never lead to any real conversation, and are just flat out annoying. i’d prefer hearing from you less, if when i did hear from you, you had something compassionate and stimulating to say.
• however, on the last point, cute “how is your day going?” text massages are always welcome.
• be supportive. if the woman in your life is dreaming big, be her biggest cheerleader.  
• on the topic of “side hoes,” i feel that this point is redundant, but i guess it needs to be said. all i will say is, keep your hands to yourself, and if you cannot, you will be by yourself. i really don’t want to beat this to death, so i’ll leave it at that.
• be creative. think outside of the box. dinner and a movie doesn’t work for every girl and it certainly does not do the trick for me. get to know a woman, discover her interest and try to frame your (initial) interactions around them, because believe me she is most likely already making note of your likes and dislikes.
• women are well aware of the fact that men will never understand the ins and outs of the female psyche. you will never understand why i cry for no reason, or why i let my insecurities leak out every now and again, but try your best to be patient. a lady will always remember a man’s sincere efforts to assuage her pre-menstrual tantrums.
• there is a reason that most of your “boys” are single. it is because the advice that they are giving you and each other is NOT working and is NOT true. if you have an issue with your woman, then your woman is the only person you need to discuss it with. COMMUNICATION IS KEY! i don’t know why men think that their boys are going to magically solve their relationship problems.
• and if you feel the need to change around your friends or use them as a crutch, bringing them along everywhere we go, don’t.
• most women can deal with the fact the guys are a little bit on the messy side. i cannot, but i can make concessions to this rule if you demonstrate an honest effort to straighten up when i’m around.
• lastly, appearance is not something that rules a man out in my eyes, but it is something that can serve as a major plus or minus. put pride in the way that you carry yourself and it will spill over into many of the things that you do.

i hope that this has clearly summed up the basic (because this list just skims the surface) necessities of a prospective male suitor.

make note and God speed.

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