December 23, 2009, 12:03 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

today i am semi-stressed out about absolutely nothing. this is a feeling oddly similar to the disappointment i feel after leaving the library at 4am, having accomplished nothing. perhaps being raised in an environment in which doing “nothing” was virtually punishable by death, has finally caught up with me. i am no good at this whole “vacation” thing. the idle time is killing me. 

lackadaisical |ˌlakəˈdāzikəl| adjective- lacking enthusiasm and determination; carelessly lazy : 

…that’s not me, right?

my mind is racing and yet i am producing and contributing to nothing of importance. 

perhaps i need slow down and  teach myself something new to calm my nerves. that always seems to do the trick. i once educated myself about the entire history of welfare reform, out of sheer boredom. it was extremely time consuming, but beneficial for the obvious reasons. 

i am rereading the autobio of malcolm x and picking up on a lot of things that i missed the first time (2 years ago). i think i’ll make this book my new obsession and try to teach myself about the repercussions of his work and the ideological shift he made towards the end of his life. im not an expert on the subject, but im open to the learning opportunity (as long as it gives me something to do). 

until i reach my newest epiphany…i’ll be here. reading and twiddling my thumbs. 


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